Girls That Drop Off the Face of the Earth

Writing in a journal helps keep one's mental health in tact. There are studies and things that prove it. It doesn't matter too much though. I need people in my life. I can't seem to focus, so this whole post is going to sound a bit funny. I was talking to this girl on a dating site, and yes I'm getting that whole butterfly feeling that you get when you talk to someone cute. But like I was saying in an earlier post, all these gurus who think that they're the masters at fucking hot chicks forget to mention the "fade out". This can't possibly be some one off phenomenon that only happens to me. For instance, I'll talk to a girl, the conversation is going well for a few days, hell even a few weeks, then the messages get farther apart, and she just sort of fades out until eventually, she drops off the face of the earth. Now, I have no problem picking the conversation back up, but am I boring? Does that mean that I only talk about myself? I'm a little scared that my ego is taking over my ability to find and keep a girl that I deem is good enough for me. I can have any relationship I want with girls that just flaunt their pussys around, but I don't want that. I want a girl that I have to woo. At least a little bit. One who's not young and retarded, or old and loose. It seems that there is a very, very small window between young and retarded, and old with 5 kids. I prefer mature enough to have had a good amount of sex, but not too dumb as to have had five or more kids, and not know who the father is. Oh yes, and not a crack addict. Is this really to much to ask for?!

I wish someone were here to see the awesome omelette I just made. This thing was amazing. It had like magical powers 'n shit. I flipped it like a pancake at first, as though I didn't care, but then after I saw how beautiful it became, I did care. I cared a lot. Anyway, that's not really what this post is about. This is more of an anti-technology post. What can I say, I'm kind of lonely, because of Facebook and shit. It's like I can talk to my friends whenever I want, but Facebook, telephones, and the like, are not substitutes for actually being there. Yes, I love Skype just as much as anyone else, but damn, sometimes you have to have human interaction too, and I'm finding that harder and harder to achieve. I suppose that's part of the reason that I'm running around trying to get girl's numbers and stuff. I'm fucking lonely. Lonely, and full of eggs. I know sex is not a cure for loneliness, but what is?! I imagine that it has something to do with being with the right people. Friends, family, and people that don't break into your apartment at 3 in the morning, grab you by the throat, and grind their pussy's all over you. As much as I love pussy, I think that someone reading this may be able to see how that could freak someone out. I just want a friend here in California. I didn't think that was a lot to ask for. :(

get some sunshine

So, maybe my last post wasn't that great, but still this whole journal thing is more for my personal feelings than for anyone else. I often wonder if the things that I write even make sense. I learned something else today: I'm addicted to technology. I also wonder to myself how many people have this exact same problem. It's like I can not go a day without turning my computer off. I used to think in the past that I was addicted to porn, but now I know that if I'm not around my computer, I wouldn't be looking at nearly as much porn, so I know it's not that. When I was on vacation, I couldn't really download anything on my mom's computer, and she didn't have much of a wifi signal. I get it now though. Technology addiction is a real thing, and it's starting to affect my daily life. It's affecting me in ways like being sad, and moody as fuck. today I just wasn't feeling too good. I know I can sit down and meditate, but I need that computer timer to tell me when to stop. Watching movies, t.v. shows, porn, and my life are all a part of this big digital cloud, and I need it to stop. I need to go out and meet people. I don't even know how. I almost want to reach out, and ask how many people have this same problem? I've often heard that you can substitute one addiction for another, but I don't know what I'd want to do instead of being on the computer. I know, that's pretty bad. If anyone out there is reading this, I'd like to know what to do. I thought about taking an addiction course, but I imagine it wouldn't help if it were online. Maybe I should just go out and get some sunshine...

Push Yourself

The way to better yourself is to go about it little by little. Just relax, and take the world in through deep breaths and meditation. Every day is a new experience, and I'm sick of living in the same place forever, and ever. It's ok though, because I have a way to stop my addiction, and that is to concentrate on doing the things that I love. It's all so simple, and yet I do have to work at it. If one wants to better themselves, all they have to do is put a little bit of effort into their life. That's all. Just the tiniest bit of effort, and everyone's part, and the world will be a better place. I already know the future, and if I don't push myself out of my comfort zone, then it may not be the future that I want. Or a future that anyone would want for that matter. Relaxation is what it's all about. Taking a little bit of time to see yourself and your environment for what it is. There is no need to be bored. There is always so much to do, but the fact is that you have to put effort into doing it. It's always worth it to put yourself outside of your comfort zone. At least once a day. And this is one thing that I need to start doing.