Internal and External motivations

I have to organize before the crowd gets here on Sunday. Maybe I can update my habit list. I think the key here is to find whatever it is that works for me as an individual. Because I'm so foggy headed, I think that having the same list every day may work. The brain tends to put things on autopilot. It's like a survival thing. People just kind of do things without realizing it. It's why losing weight is a such a hard goal, because you're wired not to exercise. It's going against nature.

Here's the thing though: It can be done. It takes determination at first. A bit of persistence I believe. But obviously people do it. It's a full on lifestyle change. So when like these life coaches change people, they're actually pushing them to re-wire their brain. Motivation is a big factor in these, and other sorts of changes. I believe that many people's main source of motivation is external. Although, I really don't know. It may be pretty tough to find a true scientific ratio of the numbers of people who have external motivations, and those who have internal motivations. Even more obscure, would be finding out the differences between the strengths of the two types of motivation. If anyone actually read this blog, I would probably ask for links to websites containing such information. :)

50 year old black Jesus

I'd like to start off by saying that a girl that I dated in high school - albeit briefly - is now dating a 50 year old black DJ. That's pretty gross. Makes me want to get my priorities straight. Just think of it this way: At least I'm not Scott. Who's Scott you ask? I guess when I get married to Kat, he'll be my brother in law. So, he's my girlfriend's sister's husband. Not that it matters. He's a nice guy and all, but it bugs me that my mother in law has an orgasm every time she sees him. It's fucking weird. I think I will model a character after him in a story.

Anywho, I write these journals to sort of get my thoughts on track. Any track. It doesn't even matter. There's just these little things that still upset me. You know what they say though: Time heals all wounds. I think Jesus said that. The real question here is: What sort of things do I want to work on intensely? Sign Language? Maybe. Shit. I still feel as though my mind will never quite be on track here.

To much going on

So, I've been having chest pains in the morning. My mistake though, was complaining about it, as my mom and girlfriend think that I need to go to a doctor. To that I say: No thank you. Priorities man. That is what I have an issue with. What do I want to do with my life? Besides writing that great American Novel that people are always talking about. Marcus thinks I should be a writer, but I have trouble with English.

I'm going to need an English class though. Don't know if I want to take one from Brian. There will be papers to write. What would I do with a degree in philosophy? Write about it. Shit man. How does one contribute to society? Ericson gets it. It's so confusing. To be a musician/writer. That's what I want to do. So, how do I go about doing this, and making money? Well, I don't want to work for the man. I'm in the perfect situation right now, and I'm not taking advantage of it. The only thing that I need to focus on right now is this yardsale. Talk about way to much shit going on.