Hungry

Well hot damn. I'm seething with hunger, because if I set my daughter down, she'll cry. I can't make food one handed. I can only type, because I'm currently bouncing her in a car seat. She has a bouncy seat, but she threw up in it. Too gross to set her in after I just gave her a bath. I mean, what else are you supposed to do with someone who is covered in vomit? I can't do laundry today. It's a sad day indeed when you can't do laundry.

Fucking a. There's a massive amount of snot in my nose, which reminds me again that I'm hungry. Don't ask me why. Causation does not equal correlation. Fucking wrists hurt from typing this shit. Can't seem to do anything as long as the kid is awake. I think she may have calmed her tits. Going to see if I can make some breakfast.

Brain (F)arts

Fuck! Woke up mid day, with no motivation. All my muscles ache, and I like to write these sort of things to get my brain juices flowing. Brain Juice! Everybody's got it. They say that everyone has the potential to be creative. The real creative people work on it every day. Just like I am doing now. I know that I don't have too many problems with grammar and all that jazz. Certainly not spelling anyway. The thing that irks me though, is that I think that a lot of what I write simply does not make sense. It's like putting a puzzle together, and sort of thumbing the pieces, word pieces if you will, thumbing them into place. Some times the colors match. In fact, most of the time the colors match. But the puzzle doesn't always look right to me in the end. At least not to me anyway.

Scratch that analogy. Writing is more like art. When I write, it can be a bit abstract, but I don't do it that way on purpose. Some artists, like Picasso for instance, painted like shit, but he knew the proper technique. Like he had the ability to paint really nice realistic stuff, but it was rare that he did, because that's just not what he was into. It's not what gave him a boner. He wanted people to look at his shitty paintings, and say "Look at all the work he put into painting that shit." He was so skilled though, that it sold. And on some level, you could tell that he put an ass ton of work into these paintings. Regardless of whether it looked like shit.

Exempt

So, here's a crazy story. I broke some decorative glass. Fucking accidents happen, right? Here's the dealio. I'm living with the single most demonic child on the planet, and of course in-laws who think they know better.

Anyway, I break this glass item, and sweep it up. No big deal. The fucking devil child says to her devil grandma, "Michael broke that glass thing!! He's a piece of shit." I may have paraphrased, but you get the point. So, demon grandma gives me this whole spiel about how glass can kill people, blah blah blah, and I tried my best to point out how demon child didn't fucking LISTEN!!!!!!!!!!!

I get the dangers of glass. It fucking kills. Wonderful. But here is what I wanted to get across: Your grandchild is a fucking piece of human garbage. All she had to do was listen when I said to put on shoes. Yes I cleaned, yes I vacuumed. That is not the fucking point. What I want to say is: Why are we overlooking all the bullshit that this child is trying to pull, and then if I mention it, they say "She's only five." As though this exempts her from being a piece of human garbage. End of rant.

The day my daughter was born

This one I call: The birth of my daughter.

So, my wife to be decides one day that she wants to have a baby. Great. Fine. Groovy. Not an issue. Everything is fine with that. Except of course that just like every other set of parents in the world, we are horribly underprepared. Not really a fan of babies, so on and so forth. But anyway, the day comes when the doctor's decide to induce her.

Here's something that you don't see in the movies: A woman walking in non-chalantly to give birth. It's always very chalant. The issue is not with my fiance as it were, but with her horrible, horrible witch of a mother.

You see, this woman is wrong about everything, and very headstrong about it. I have to fucking fight to give my opinion, if I even wanted to give it in the first place. Generally, I keep that shit to myself, but I don't go throwing things in people's faces either. Balance.

So, the day comes, when my daughter is to be born, and guess who takes the day off? In-law from hell. Questioning everything. It is said that in order to be a good leader, you must first be a good follower. This woman is not a follower. In fact, she is a get-in-the-wayer. I've never seen someone so adamant to not let people do their job.

My fiance is in the process of giving birth after 12 hours of labor, and this psycho comes in and fucking tries to do the doctor's job. She didn't go through 10 years of medical school! The fuck! I'm not trusting my fiance's life with someone who thinks that they know what they are doing, but doesn't have either the knowledge, or the experience to back it up!

As the magical hour approaches, the doctors rush in to take blood pressure, make sure the epidural is in correctly, get stats and figures, you know, the kinds of things that they went to 9+ years of school for. Guess who thinks they know better than the doctor? No need to guess! I'll tell you! The in-law from hell! As my fiance is breathing heavily, blood pressure dropping, heart rates rising, temperatures drastically changing, this woman pushes fucking medical personnel out of the way, and is asking for up-to-date analysis on every detail of the situation.

Let these people do their jobs! Jesus fucking Christ, lives are at stake here. I get the evil eye for being complacent or whatever, but I'm not about to be another asshole know it all trying to push the doctors out of the way as if they don't know what they're doing and fucking throw my dick in her mouth. Who the fuck does that?! What the fuck is wrong with her?!

So, they rush her out rip her open take the baby out, yada yada yada, and then what was supposed to be a glorious moment of awesome turned into the next 24 hours of nightmare. The tension in the room was thick, because I guess if you've had .000000000000000000000000001% of the babies in the world, you're a god damn expert. Shit. So here this woman is telling me how to take care of my daughter, a person who is half of me. I innately know how to take care of my daughter, cause again, she is half me! It's like taking care of myself. Well, partially. The people who best know how to take care of their child are well.....the fucking parents!

Moreover, on this beautiful day, it wasn't like the movies. No, I felt more like a wolf, snarling at this bitch who wanted to take my child, claim it as hers. Very awkward. I really wanted to be a wolf, and bite the veins out of her neck, to protect my daughter from someone who thought that it was her baby. This is why the hospital puts ankle bracelets on babies. Cause in-laws may steal your child. Fuck.

breath

I think I'll write a book. Sometimes, I feel as though I'm being shit on. Just like Wayne said in Wayne's World, "Shit on." That's all it is. Does it make me a bad person to feel as though I'm not in control of my life? Fuck! Anywho, the new weird al cd is out in 15 days. Shit, call me lazy, and I'll stab someone in the face. I just can't seem to grasp the concept that someone could think that I'm not a hard worker, when the work I do simply does not align with what said person thinks are important things. Fucking important things. Man I could rant about that kind of lunacy all day. WTF. That's all I got to say about that.

Imposed discredit-ability. Forced compliance. I'm working on something! Shit. Deep breaths don't seem to help the situation that I am in. Usually it does. I don't want people reading this kind of thing. It hurts my head just to think that someone out there is reading this sort of thing. Not that it matters. I think I've said that before. This is going to be a long entry though. I have a lot of shit to think about. Just a lot. A ton of things that if I ponder on them for to long,,,

I make Original Music Videos on Youtube

So, I'm doing a bit of research, on SEO. According to my research, this particular post should get more views than any of my other posts, just because I used the words original music videos on youtube. Now, these words that I just used should make sense in context. I can't just say some crap that makes no sense whatsoever, like the original music videos on youtube had a play date with the original music videos on youtube involving a whole bunch of you know what (Wink, wink).

You see, I'm not so much of a writer as I am a musician. The relationship that I have with music, is much more fun and rewarding than anything else that I do, but I do like to consider writing articles like these as a hobby. Yes, it is indeed fun. I'm just going to pretend that you asked me if it was fun there.

Journal entries like this one though, where I don't have to think about what I type, are much more fun than say something that comes out forced. The thing about this journal, is that I can do tests, and see what works and what doesn't. At least as far as marketing. I mean how much sense do I have to make when I use the phrase original music videos on youtube? I don't want people to think that I am using that phrase just to get views. Though to be honest, I kind of am. That's why this whole thing is an experiment. Please let me know by commenting if this experiment worked. Also, if you would like to check out my original music, please visit michaelsmadmusic.com. It's singer songwriter type folk music. Trust me, you won't be disappointed. OH yes, and original music videos on youtube. lol.

murder is bad.

For some reason, I just can't seem to focus. It's strange to think that I may have a kid soon. I don't know what to say here, except, I just made a sandwich, and my hands smell like onions. Fuck I hate strong smells. I can't seem to get them off my hands. I know onions can be a manly scent, but damn, this just isn't my cup of tea. I think though, that I can safely say, that writing about onions is re-wiring my brain. The less sense these rants make, the better. I don't think people actually read this crap. Doesn't really matter if they do.

Writing is positive. No matter what it's about. Boy, if I were to really write about the things that were on my mind right now, I could be put in jail. Actually, that's not true. I think that anything that is written is protected under free speech. But actually doing shit is what puts people in jail. My thoughts include murder. There, I said it. fuck it. I can say whatever I want. Blood makes me squeamish though. So, no thank you to that. Better to just meditate it off. You know what I mean. Aah. I feel better.

The Talent to Keep Away

So, how about that crazy weather that we've been having? It's not really my cup of tea. Doesn't matter though. What matters is that I find the thing that I like to do in order to keep my sanity. Fuck. All my muscles still ache when I get up in the morning. I imagine that if I found my purpose in what I'm supposed to do, I wouldn't be as stressed out about it, and henceforth, not as hurty. Google is telling me that "hurty" is not a word. Now that hurts!

There's things that I want to talk about, but I feel as though with a public journal that it may be inappropriate. It's interesting to think that not to many people read this crap. What sucks though, is that the three people that do, are the people that I am trying to keep away. Interesting. I've already written a lot, and I haven't said anything. At least not anything worth reading. Now that is a talent!

Focus and Kids.

Haven't written here in awhile, but I don't think that should matter too much. I just want to get into the habit of writing again in order to clear my mind. Here's the issue that I am having. Focus. I think I've written about that in just about every other post ever. Fuck. It hurts just to think about the fact that I can't focus. At least when I'm writing, I'm doing something. Anywho, I got that new dragon software, so that maybe I can throw up an e-book or two. Like literally, it will just type out the words that are coming out of my mouth. Henceforth, I don't have to think about what I'm going to say before I type it like on a regular typing type deal such as this blog. It's not that big of a deal either way, but still, I feel as though I will get more out if I'm saying it, like I'm having a conversation to myself or some shit.

Also, since when is it considered "evil" to hate children? I haven't gotten any hate mail just yet for that one post about how much I hate children, but Jesus Christ man, if you say that someone hates children, you're throwing them to the lions. Fuck. I guess I'm going to be having one of those children things rather soon, so I shouldn't say that I hate them, but damn, every time I see one, their blowing their fucking snot everywhere, or chewing on fucking electrical wire, and pissing on a dog that they just killed. I mean, fuck, people need to be proper parents. I'm not saying that I'm going to be this god-like parent, but if I'm hard on my kid, it's because I don't want it to grow up to be a fucking asshole like everyone else in the world. You're welcome.